I didn't shave. On purpose
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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