When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
