I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
