eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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