Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
