Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
