dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
