what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
