ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize