my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
