Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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