remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
