I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
