no one should ever give us hovercrafts
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
