Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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