just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need water and some morals
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
