Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
