he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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