I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
