i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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