3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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