Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
