I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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