420 ftw
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
