wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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