glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
