So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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