Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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