i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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