Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
