I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
