I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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