i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your cock deserves a montage
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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