Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
