Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize