well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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