We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
