I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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