YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
