Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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