I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
