I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
