took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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