wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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