i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
