I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
