i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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