I will die if light touches me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
