Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I intend to get homeless drunk
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
