let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
