Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
