New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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