i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
