Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
