Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
