well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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