sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
