You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
