Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
