I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
