I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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