I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am spending my child support on dildos
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
