if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
