i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize