I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
did i walk over a car last night?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
